After several hours spread throughout the day, and a couple the day before, just before midnight I finally sent an email listing upcoming events in the new Thrive Wellness Studio: yoga tonight, stretching next week, a nurse practitioner offering primary care services, a massage therapist, a sound bath. This morning I am marveling at the turtle medicine in my life.
What do I mean by turtle medicine? Maybe it's snail medicine. The slow, decades long manifestation process in my life. Reflection helps me see how long things take to come to fruition in my life.
In 2003, after moving to Indiana and getting my first acupuncture license, I met with an MD to discuss an alternative medicine clinic buildout idea. I'm not sure if he had any intention of building such a clinic, but he asked me to present a plan to him. I was young, excited, and fresh outof TCM school. This was my chance!
A ball full of anxiety and nervousness filled my belly as I presented my 7 room layout of my ideal alternative medicine clinic. Honestly, it was fashioned after a clinic I worked at in Florida, my last year of internship. It was a husband & wife team of acupuncturist and physical therapist. It was pretty successful. And in Florida. Florida has the third most number of acupuncturists in the country. Indianapolis only had 1 or 2 in 2003, on the other side of town.
He laughed at me.
He said the best MDs only have 2 rooms.
I clearly didn't do a good job of explaining my vision.
I was mortified. Beat down. Dejected. Appalled at my naivety. Embarrassed.
I hid in my shell for a while, decades.
Let the dream rest. Marinate. Take shape.
Life happened. I forgot that dream. I forgot the passion and excitement I had designing it.
I didn't forget that moment. The ridiculous human brain and ego construct that is so good at keeping us small, humiliated, fearful, ashamed.
I wish I had left there feeling determined to try somewhere else. I wish I had felt encouraged to modify my vision to fit the current situation. I wish I had had a cheerleader, routing me on.
But I had an embarrassed boyfriend, and a bully of an inner voice that kept reminding me how foolishness I was, how silly I was, how unprepared and childish I was. How stupid I was.
Thinking about all of it now, I'm crying. Healing.
This is what healing looks like.
Finding a way in to the forgotten hurts, griefs, and pains that have been buried and stuck in your body.
Finding a way to access them and release them.
Let them move through you.
Let the feelings go.
Here's my turtle medicine again.
I'm here to celebrate.
I have my 7 room alternative medicine clinic.
I built it.
I aligned myself to my dreams, to my soul, and cocreated one small clinic space that we outgrew. To a bigger space. That still was too small.
Now 7 years after starting small I have:
3 private treatment rooms, 1 community space,
2 flexible counseling offices, and 1 big open floor for movement classes, workshops, and meetings. 7 rooms. 21 years later.
That's turtle medicine. Slow and steady wins the race.
If you're feeling a little lost, or even a lot lost, don't be too discouraged. One day you'll wake up and realize you're living your dream.
The road to get there isn't a straight line, and has its own time line.
Your job is to get in alignment with yourself.
To be true to yourself when and how you can.
To remember your dreams when and how you can. To love yourself and your life. To ask for more of what you want. To care for yourself.
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